careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
