i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
