For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You pole danced in your parka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
