I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
we're so committed to being not committed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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