K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
