I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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