Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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