yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
