You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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