dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
