I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
