just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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