Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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