thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
