I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
