D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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