she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize