He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
