Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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