remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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