i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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