I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
