You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
