I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There r osticjed everywhere
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
