My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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