I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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