you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
