she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
