Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
