I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
