Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just invented taco cereal.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
