11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to jail i love you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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