I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
