so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
