the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
