her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
