we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
