She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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