I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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