I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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