clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize