Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
