I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
