At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
