i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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