shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
