your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
