i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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