i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
