Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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