Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
