Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
