Moan for me like Helen Keller
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
