Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
