You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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