walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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