Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am one with the molecules
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
