Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
