One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize