He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Even my vagina gasped.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
