on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
