I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
