I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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