im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
