WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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