Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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