I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
